[[drafted on wed]] I’ve had such a stressful & frustrating time dealing w the courts & it was so nice to have a final pleasant interaction - they were gonna charge me $25 to get 1 copy of my decree changing name & after I got the $ out I was like “wait don’t I get at least 1 free copy?” & then the nice black lady asked her white effeminate boss man to approve & ended up giving me hella free copies cuz I’m young broke & clueless!

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& today at the social security office I turned in my name change paperwork then asked the brown lady what requirements there were for a gender change  (cuz I’ve heard conflicting things from 2 diff sources). she was super nice about it (even tho she kept emphasizing that i needed to be COMPLETELY done transitioning) & said what i thought was true: i need a physician to write a letter stating my transition is “fully done” as in i’ve gotten “all the surgeries”.

to me that sounds pretty unclear cuz i mean i just got a contact to a woman doctor at the santa cruz planned parenthood who will basically write anything for any trans* person who desires to change their gender. i’m guessing i can get away w not having any genital surgery but idk if i can away w not being on hormones? i guess we’ll see after i call her

that brings me back to the meeting w the white transman psychologist in monterey on wed where i got her contact - i was so anxious goin in there wondering if i should hide my glaringly bright red nail polish? keep my face makeup-free? uncross my legs? deepen my voice? anything to allow him to accept me as transmale aka WRITE ME A DAMN LETTER!

i was honest about my identities while talking w him even though i stuttered thru explaining genderqueer and how i didn’t quite want to be a man but-i was def partially masculine-identified ahhh 

dealing w mental health providers & doctors & judges & police and all these people in positions of power w the ability to determine the gender society recognizes me as is quite daunting

this psych dude kept mentioning that i should attend the transgender/transsexual group every second sat in monterey which doesn’t necessarily sound bad right off the bat but then he warned me that they teach folx in there to “pass” for safety reasons incase they ever drive thru texas or something & that they would be reinforcing gender binaries so people would basically lose any visible “trans-ness” & blend in w all the “normal” ppl - WAY TO SELL THA GROUP TO A GENDERFUQ’D TRANSFAG CLEARLY TRYNA MAKE ALL THOSE NORMIES TRIP & HIT THEIR FACES AS THEY STARE AT MY GAY ASS WALKIN BY

picking up my “decree changing name” from the courthouse & attempting to get an affidavit from a psychologist allowing me to change my gender on my social security card

I’m about to start my new county job in a week & I’m trying to change my name/gender on my Social Security card / DL before I have to submit my paperwork. 

I already “legally” changed my name so that’s all lined up but now my gender is an issue! I need a physician to sign some papers saying I’m “completely transitioned” & the form is so fucked up I’m getting anxiety just thinking about the future interactions I must endure.

Fuck the govt for only allowing a physician enmeshed in a westernized healthcare system to determine what my gender is in their “professional opinion”

MY GENDER IS NOT YOUR OPINION

Gender identification is complete when I say it is, no one can determine how I identify based on their perception of my body or characteristics.

They’re basically saying you can only change your gender if you’re going to line up with the hetero gender-conforming binary they already laid out for you.

WTF DOES MY DEMEANOR HAVE TO DO W MY GENDER IDENTITY!?!

GENDER DOES NOT EQUAL SEX - I DO NOT IDENTIFY AS MALE OR FEMALE

If these fuckers get in the way of me having a smooth transition (ha) into this job I will destroy them

Any advice/help from ppl who have gone thru this process in Monterey County/ the Bay / CA before would be greatly appreciated cuz I still need a “licensed physician” that I feel safe with to sign my papers even though I am not on hormones & am still read as ‘female’ more often than not